Keep the tongue in check

Over the weekend my daughter was out with her friends. She needed to be back at a certain time, and as it got later, I got irritated, thinking what I was going to say to her when she called. In passing (as my ire grew), I mentioned to my son that if she didn’t get back, she’d be grounded—I added that was unlikely, as she almost always did call. But he didn’t hear that second part of the comment, and when she did call (with enough time to spare), he picked up the phone and (as only siblings can do) was quick to tell her that she was going to be grounded.

When I got on the phone, she asked if that was true, and why. I shrunk, and told her no, not true, and wriggled out of it, but felt I had ever so slightly diminished myself.

What’s the lesson here? In life, whether at home or at work, don’t let your imagination carry you away with thoughts of what someone else is (or is not) doing, as you’ll be wrong most of the time.

But more important than your thoughts are your actions, your words. Regardless of what you think, there is no need to say it out loud; to a spouse, a child, a co-worker or a peer. It inflicts, wounds, and can’t be undone, whatever is said. As one sage said thousands of years ago (in reference to gossip), “Have you heard something? Keep it to yourself—you won’t break.” Saying what you think to make sure everyone knows where you stand has its place and time, but often it has an adverse effect.

Words are like bullets; once shot they can’t be retrieved. Character assassination is not an arbitrary phrase.. In a day and age where we blog, email, Skype, text, IM and phone, it behooves us all to slow it down a notch and sit on it for a while before we say or write it.