Stop, listen, and wise up

There are those who revel in being contrarians, doing the opposite of what others expect. On occasion it can be advantageous, catching an opponent off-guard and using it to bolster ones position, and knowing when to do so is a strength. But usually it is the domain of those who think they know more than they do, and have a ready list of excuses when something doesn’t work or get done.

I should know. As a teen and young adult, I moved against the grain of many teachers, not giving them what they had asked. My grades reflected it, but I had the hubris to blame it on them for overlooking my innate talent. A pattern I’m loath to admit, carried it on longer than it should have.

In the workplace you’ll see that pattern in those who cannot stand their boss, bad-mouthing them as dolts, whingeing that the company has no direction, management won’t listen to “my ideas”, the “Ha, screw ‘em” school of thought.

What do such people do at work? Complain, dig their heels in, obfuscate, cross their arms and lecture others about their shortcomings, pontificate how the company overlooks talent, only that sycophants and brown-nosers get ahead.. And spend time doing everything except what they’re supposed to do.

The axe falls and they are quickly be-headed. Exiting left, they remind anyone still listening how much they disliked working there anyhow, how under-appreciated and overlooked they were. Onward to new companies where they think the sun always shines, and lo, the same thing happens again. And again.
Until they hit a wall.

The lesson (and there are many) is not merely to respect elders, but that is a start. People who have been around longer (whether teachers, bosses, peers–and let’s not forget parents..) know a fair amount if you’re willing to drop your dukes and listen. (Caveat: not everyone has wisdom oozing from each pore; some are the same as they were 40 years ago, stuck in a time warp. But they’re irrelevant, and not whom I’m addressing).

Your lesson–at work or at school–is to do as you’re told, believe it or not. Do it as well as you can, learn as much as you can from those willing to impart some nugget of knowledge. Soak it all up, and you’ll be that much smarter when the time comes to make a bigger decision.

Cut down the arrogance, and do what is not natural; listen more and talk less. Use the Golden Rule and walk in someone else’s shoes before you comment. Realise your problems-when compared to the billions on Earth-are not insurmountable. Yes, a dose of humility. Smile more, be nice to strangers every so often, laugh more often, and don’t go around correcting others; do it to yourself first.

I think of Lee Kwan Yew as I write this, and of course he is an exception. His school of charm and etiquette would blow up the region, as he revels in saying exactly what he wants, damn the consequences, tossing bon-mots out and letting them land where they will. I admire him, and indeed agree with much of what he says. When one is in their late 80′s, out with a new book saying it as it is and a ‘founding father’ of Singapore, it is tolerated-and much to be learned from him.

But most of us are not in that position, and need to think more carefully about how we act, how others view us, and when we do write–or speak–think of the impact; our surroundings, our audiences, our superiors, subordinates, peers, kids, parents, and so on, and learn how to move with grace and facility at each turn.

Yes, it can be done, and the sooner one learns it the better.