It’s not all about you

One comment I could often give C level people I speak to is that “It’s not all about you” (something I also say to my kids at certain intervals).

Let me explain. The word I dance with is ‘humility’, which I’ll simply define as ‘understanding not everything that happens for the better is because of your effort and genius.’

Your professional or personal life may turn out well–or very well–but it is not all due to your pedigree or insight. (Conversely, some things may have failed or come up short, but not because you’re slow on the uptake..)

We all start out the same, when indeed the world does revolve around us, as newborns–cry and yell, and we’re appeased. The infant grows, and the stages start of sharing, waiting, cooperating–the give and take of life. For most of us..

None of us adults are perfect, we all still have our tantrums and histrionics. Some of us, however, never quite left that infantile stage.

They’re the adults who take the credit when it’s not theirs to take; do not listen well nor reciprocate or give back; the boss who makes unrealistic demands and uses staff for personal preening (for a terrific and insane example, look at the Abercrombie & Fitch CEO’s corporate jet manual) the parent who berates their children; bosses or spouses who insist on winning every argument and debate at all emotive cost; the intolerant and dismissive crowd. We all know ‘em.

The opposite, by the way, are those who think everything is their fault; company earnings going down, their team loses a large client, their child flunks classes or cannot get into the right college, the “I screwed up again, didn’t I?” auto-response. Exhausting as that is, some get satisfaction from being the perpetual victim and perceived culprit..

Life, work, parenting, relationships… none of it is “fair”, but the possibilities are limitless once you accept it as is, not as it should ideally be.

A wise rabbi once phrased it better:

To expect the world to treat you fairly because you’re an honest person is like expecting a bull not to charge you because you’re a vegetarian.

Many of the things that happen to us in life–good or bad–are seldom highly important or unusually dramatic (although my teenagers would beg to differ..) yet that is what we must be aware of, the ‘life is in the details’.

The big issues are (thankfully) far and few between. Most challenges are not life-threatening, and most successes are not in the news..

Humility lets you know that some is under your control, the difference between a set-back and a tragedy, a step forward or a smashing triumph.

When something doesn’t go your way, part of it may be you, and some is beyond your control. You’ll get over it.

And When something good happens, terrific, and good for you. Some was your doing, some probably not.

It’s not all about you.