“You can’t take it back”
My [teenage] children were on school break last week. While making lunch for my son, he finished his call on his mobile and said he’d be out in 10 minutes to hang with one of his good friends. I replied “He seems a little bossy sometimes, telling you where to go and when,” hastily linking something else I though his friend had recently done.
I instantly got a laser stare and furrowed brow.
Giving him his sandwich, I said “I probably shouldn’t have said that, should I?”
He laid into me. “You don’t even know him, you don’t know our conversations, you have no idea who says what. How can you possibly make that sort of conclusion about him?” I immediately agreed. “You’re right, I take it back.” Then came the zinger.
He looked me square in the eye and without hesitation evenly said, “You can’t take it back.”
I actually smiled at first, thinking “I’ve taught them well”- always emphasizing to them the importance of words, how words can nurture and hurt, once said cannot be changed.
After the quick self congratulatory smile came contrition, and told him he was 100% right. I couldn’t take it back, but only apologise, and hoped he would accept my apology. A tough lesson for a parent, but he was right and I was wrong.
The tremendous importance of what we say–to whom and when–cannot be overstated. Highly negative [or positive] words stay with us, are reread or remembered over and over again.
Words can hurt, and those who think honesty is the best management policy are sadly mistaken. It is immaterial whether one makes a hurtful comment because it is the truth; it is almost never worth it.
Not sure of how to be candid with someone else? Wait for a better time and way to phrase it, whether email or face to face.
Have something to get off your chest? Don’t. Wait a while–it won’t do you any damage.
The difference between maturity and immaturity is knowing how to hold off from saying what you [critically] feel. None of us are perfect, but we can all do a shade better with our self control, and work on what we say–or don’t.
And he did accept my apology, by the way..
